It starts with a text message. “Grandma is in the hospital. It’s not serious, but…” Or a Facebook invite. “Sarah’s Wedding! Save the Date!”
And suddenly, the pad thai you’re eating tastes like ash. You are 8,000 miles away, and the weight of the distance hits you like a physical blow.
This is Expat Guilt. It is the shadow that follows every long-term traveler. The feeling that by choosing to explore the world, you are abandoning the people who love you.
The “Selfish” Narrative
Society tells us that leaving is selfish. “Settling down” is seen as the mature, responsible choice. Being there for every birthday, every Sunday dinner, every crisis is what “good” sons, daughters, and friends do.
When you choose a different path, you are rewriting that script. And people—even those who love you—might try to pull you back into the old one. “When are you coming home?” “Are you done with your little trip yet?” “Don’t you want to buy a house?”
Coping Strategies for the Guilt
1. Quality Over Quantity
You might not be there for every Sunday dinner, but when you are there, be 100% present. Put the phone away. Don’t talk about your travels unless asked. Listen to their lives. One week of focused, quality time is worth more than a year of distracted, obligatory visits.
2. The “Emergency Fund” for Flights
Keep a specific savings account labeled “Emergency Flight.” Knowing that you could be home in 24 hours if something truly bad happened reduces the anxiety significantly. You aren’t trapped; you are just away.
3. Schedule the Calls
Random texts aren’t enough. Schedule a weekly video call with your parents. Treat it like a meeting. Consistency shows you care.
4. Accept the Trade-off
You cannot have it all. You cannot live a life of global adventure and be the person who is always there for every local event. You are trading presence for experience. It is a heavy price, but it is a valid one.
You Are Not Abandoning Them
You are building a life that makes you happy. And people who truly love you want you to be happy, even if they miss you.
Go home when you want to, not because you feel guilty. Your journey is yours alone.
